Book Review with my life experience intertwined.

To Own a Dragon
By Donald Miller and John MacMurray

A special thank you to Fred Meiners from Seamark Ranch, for sharing this book with me.

From it’s opening paragraphs I was captivated. Maybe it was because I had never met my real dad, and could identify with many of the authors feelings. Maybe because I was searching for answers to my own existence and hoped that yet another book could help me better identify why I had done many of the stupid things I had done as a child, and how I could prevent myself from repeating those bone headed decisions. Yes, your pastor still makes boneheaded descisions!

At it’s core, there was a lot to relate to about feelings, emotions, spirituality, and more. I’m big on people who are real and Donald’s writing style is about as real as it gets. The Washington Post said, “Miller.. writes humorously in a poetic, bohemian style…” Never heard that before, but maybe it helps sell books.

As I see it, “To Own a Dragon” is a series of thoughts and reflections on the meaning of life as viewed through the lenses of a man who grew up with out a father in his life. As the author notes, sure there were men who did their best to play substitute father throughout the years, but not having a real father in ones life clearly alters the world view of the young man who is attempting to grow up without that father figure in his life.

Unfortunately as the author points out, many don’t navigate those waters well. I was fortunate that my mom met a man named Dan Jaffe when I was 5 years old, whom she married when I was 13, and of whom I am proud to call dad. But nonetheless, there was often a sense of abandonment, mis-trust, failure, wanting to fit in, combined with years of addiction, that shaped me until I gave my life to the Lord in my early 20’s. Even then there was years of dealing with the wreckage of the past that oftentimes still leaves me feeling less than a complete man.

Add in a boy having a boy at age 18, and sometimes even though I have been there for Matt for the 17 years of his life, I often feel I don’t do that great a job as a dad having never fully learned what that meant myself. Well perhaps I’ve digressed a little to far off the book, but these are some of the types of reflections on life that it stirred up in my mind.

In the 4th chapter the author had a great quote from Dwight Eisenhower, “The problems of the world could be fixed if every child understood the necessity of their existence.” What would happen if they were not here? Wow. What a thought, a life changing one, that when grasped was world changing for me. I mattered to God and God had a purpose and a plan for my life. If I don’t live out my life making a difference in the lives of others for him, then who will?  The author lovingly and succinctly reflects that, “God wanted to include us in His Story!” What a sobering thought.

Reading on to around p. 90 the author introduces the concept of the Wounded Soul which would become key to his concluding thoughts. I’ve discovered that everyone to some degree is a wounded soul in this lost and hurting world. Some get help and flourish, others become dead to the pain and can life out a zombie like existence.

The author touches on many topics throughout the book. He spends some time on the subject of authority. He said that in his early days he resented people in positions of authority, especially men. I could say that I have often felt the same, preferring to be a lone ranger but that stance has really never taken me very far. The author sheds light on the topic of maturity. Learning the importance of having people who can speak into your life and avoiding people who don’t themselves submit to authority or have an authority speaking into their life. This is a constant topic in Christianity, “Who’s your covering?” It’s also big in the 12 step community of AA with Sponsors and mentors to help a person along from the perspective of  being a little further down the road. It’s been a very helpful concept to me.

He spends a great deal of time talking about the importance of making good decisions and likening them to the game of chess. Fitting analogies. The two that cut the deepest for me  were the sentences that read, “Stick with your strategy no matter what your emotions are telling you.” And “The more patient and calculated Ben was, the more he was asked to lead, and the more respect he got from everyone around him.” These were great quotes that I need to write on my walls. I have a frequent habit of foot in mouth disease. ☺

How about this one, “The hardest lesson in life is learning how to lose!”

Or ,”If you act mature and don’t judge others, you will be respected.”

There was also a brief digression about work as worship to God and not selling our character for a few bucks. Both importance concepts in the life of every believer.

My final favorites, “If we are not learning, we are forgetting. If we are not getting smart, we are getting dull.”

And “I tell them I am going to do something, then I follow through, and their trust grows.”

Now the conclusion. Yes it is a spiritual one. I will paraphrase even though he writes with much more eloquence than I. In his final chapter he brings it all back to the wounded soul. He closes the book by talking about a commission in South Africa that was established by Nelson Mandela in an effort to begin the healing process after years under apartheid. Desmond Tutu was asked what kind of people should be on the commission. Tutu essentially said that the group should be comprised of victims, but not just any victims, people who had gotten through the madness yet still has a spirit to forgive and bring healing to others. To be “WOUNDED HEALERS”.

Wow, isn’t that our calling? Isn’t that how God tends to work? The bible says that “What the devil intends for evil, God turns around for the good of those who love him!” God takes our deepest tragedies, applies his healing touch to those areas of our life, then says, go back out and help others. This has been my story and the story of thousands who have come before me.

Lord, take my addiction, my fatherlessness, my character defects, my having children too young, and turn the ODDS upside down. In my life God has turned around a series of these types of situations which could have ended in tragedy and said, “Eric, use these pains to make a difference in the lives of others.” And hey, guess what, remember where it says in the bible, I will never leave you or forsake you? Your earthly dad might have done that, but I will never do it, you can be secure in that.

I can honestly say God has exceeded my expectations in every area. Danny has been more of an earthly dad then I could have ever asked for. I have been sober for over 10 years. I have the wife of my youth and we have been married longer than we were alive prior to meeting. We have the church of our dreams. Relationships beyond measure, wonderful kids.. Lord, let me never take it for granted, and let me always be real!

Mr. Miller, thank you for your work, your pain, and your honest sharing. There is no doubt you are a difference maker! May your work with the fatherless be forwarded as you help introduce them to their heavenly father.

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